Time for Connection
Have you ever noticed how children seek our attention at the most inopportune times? When you’re on the phone. When you’re making dinner. And a favorite at our house, when you’re in the bathroom. If behavior is communication, what might our children be telling us during these moments?
That’s right, they want our attention. And not our divided attention, but full on look at me, listen to me, hear what I’m saying.
Think for a moment how frustrated you feel when you try to express your feelings to a partner that is occupied by their phone. What if they brushed you off when they were cooking dinner? Your behavior most definitely would change in response to your partner’s reaction. Maybe you seek revenge and ignore them the rest of the evening. Or you slam a cupboard door seeking attention. See? Children are no different.
As humans, we seek connection with others. We crave the felt sense of being known and seen for who we are.
What I’ve learned is that 5-10 minutes with your child IS so powerful. That is…
5 minutes of uninterrupted time.
5 minutes for them to truly be seen and heard.
5 minutes disconnected from to do lists and phones.
Think of this time as a daily tune-up.
Being with your child does not have to be perfect or scripted. Some afternoons it may look like talking about their day over a snack or a card game of their choosing. On evenings when I get home right before bed, it’s snuggling, brushing hair or reading a book. But most importantly, I’m looking at them, listening and actively reflecting what I’m hearing.
A couple of guidelines for your time together:
Be in the moment, not in your head deciding what is going to happen next. We all get caught in making mental grocery lists or preparing for the next day, but take this time to disengage from to dos.
Make time for connection whether your child behaved or not throughout the day. It’s important children don’t feel as if they have to “earn” time with you.
Let your child take the lead on what they want to do. This is a chance for our children to be seen for who they are. Allowing them to choose the activity, without our judgement, acknowledges that their opinion counts.
Focus on reflecting your child’s feelings and emotions. Validate their highs and lows for the day.
We can all find 10 minutes to be fully present and patient with our children because when we can truly shift into the world of our children—magic happens. They are willing to take risks and believe they can handle challenging situations with us by their side.
But most importantly, your child feels calm, confident and connected through your accepting presence. And this is what I hope our children reflect back to the world.
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